vladislava:

theyiddisheworld:

Favorite Old Yiddish Curses

May you be a person of leisure, take a daily nap – and may the lice in your shirt marry the bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear.

May you enjoy a good time with plenty of good Vodka – and may your blood turn to whiskey, so that 100 bedbugs get drunk on it and dance the mazurka in your belly button.

May you get passage out of the old village safely, and when you settle, may you fall into the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians is finishing a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer.

May you be so enamored of good food that you turn into a blintz, and may your enemy turn into a cat, and may he eat you up and choke on you, so we can be rid of you both.

May you have a hundred houses, and in every house a hundred rooms and in every room 20 beds, and may you come down with a delirious fever that drives you from bed to bed.

May you turn into a centipede with ingrown toenails, may onions grow in your navel and may you lie in the earth and bake bagels.

May your tapeworm develop constipation while trolley cars run through your intestine as thieves camp out in your belly and steal your guts one by one.

May you eat chopped liver with onion, pickled herring, chicken soup with matzo balls, carp with horse radish, boiled beef with tsimmis, potato pancakes with applesauce — and may you choke on every bite. ALT or may your wife eat matzoh in bed and may you roll in the crumbs.

May your two sons grow up happy and strong. And may they become a doctor and a lawyer. And may each marry a wonderful women and have wealth. And may they each have many children and may they all name someone after you already!

Okay, I recommend reading the whole article, so click the link above, but the old curses were the best part.

May you be so enamored of good food that you turn into a blintz, and may your enemy turn into a cat, and may he eat you up and choke on you, so we can be rid of you both.

Amazing.

yeah i think we can do better with new jewish curses—we should work on it.

a favorite not featured here:

“Your daughter should marry the richest, best looking man in the country the day after he’s become president of the United States, and you should have a front row pew in the church!”

ooo although i just realized that “www.aish.com” (where this article’s from) or “aish hatorah” is a totally terrible organization

(via thesoviette)